The lessons extinct volcanoes can teach you…if you’re open to learning them

Arrived in Sydney, Australia tonight and lost a day in the process when we crossed the International Date Line.  Two things are on my mind tonight, and neither are here, where I am now.   First, my parents’ house officially sold and the closing date is August 29th.  It’s a relief to know things were tied up neatly this week after my sister and I accepted the offer last Friday, but it’s also bittersweet in so many ways.  Transplanting my mum’s peonies, poppies, day lilies and iris last week had me feeling teary.  It’s a final goodbye to the physicality of the place where my parents lived for so long….but there’s also a sense of new beginnings and rebirth.  This all links nicely with my visit to Diamond Head for a hike yesterday at dawn, in time to greet the new day’s sunrise.  Somehow, the two events tie together.  One, an ending for a huge portion of my life thus far, and the other, a volcano, now extinct, which used to be active.  It reminds me of one of my favourite quotations from Buddha:  “Everything changes; nothing remains the same.”  Another one, by Heraclitus, is “No man ever steps in the same river twice.”  Profound stuff.

Diamond Head surprised me, peeled back layers of uncertainty and insecurity and showed me my true colours—ones that are more about strength and tenacity.  We set off at 5:45am on Thursday, August 8, travelling by taxi from the hotel to the inside of the crater.  Referred to as Le’ahi by the Hawaiians, rather than Diamond Head, the trail from the base of the crater up to the summit was first built in 1908.  Further stairs were added, leading up to artillery battlements in 1911.  It was the perfect place to set up a coastal defence system.  From base to summit, the trail itself gains 560 feet, through a series of switchbacks (which prevent erosion).  From the base, it doesn’t look so steep, but once you start up, you’re pretty much committed to going all the way.

Now, let me preface this tale by saying that I have lost about 52 pounds over the last year.  My body knows it, but my mind doesn’t always seem to have caught up psychologically.  I doubt my own strength.  I’ve found doing yoga has helped me adapt to my new, stronger, more lithe body….because I always leave a class feeling more confident and amazed at how grateful you can be to your own body.  It does a lot of work and we often forget it carries us around each and every day.  In any case, I started the hike thinking “I can do this,” but I had negative self-talk whispers that emerged over and over.  “You have asthma…you might have an attack.”  “Look at that jogger…he’s obviously done this before and he’s able to run past all of us.”  “It’s getting more steep…grab hold of that railing or else you might fall.”

I got stuck, just short of the summit.  Steff, our leader, stopped with me and told me she would wait with me until I was ready to do it.  I was seriously ready to quit.  “You cannot quit, Kim.  You have come all this way up this mountain and now you need to summit.  Our minds, our brains, tell us we can’t do things, but we can.  I won’t let you leave Hawaii without summiting.”  So, after five minutes, I followed her up to the top of the ridge and saw the beauty of Oahu spread out before me, stretching up the east coast on one side and then the necklace of Waikiki and Honolulu ringing the bay.  It was worth it.  I had conquered a fear.

So much of what happened in my head yesterday morning, at Diamond Head, was about letting go of fear.  It links up to the sale of my family home, it connects to closing a door on memories of my parents and my youth, and it pulls me into the present with greater confidence, so that I can move forward.  So much of what I’ve done this summer has been about rebirth, like the volcano that births itself over and over, I’m going through a major soul renovation right now.  It’s pretty interesting to be inside myself right now….to be more present and aware and awake than I ever have been before.

Feeling blessed for what the universe has offered me….so that I choose love more often than fear.  Now, moving forward, I know that I’m stronger, mentally and physically, than I ever imagined.  I kind of think Mum and Dad would be proud….

peace, friends.

k.